Why is it Difficult for Me to Achieve My New Year's Resolution?
The new year is here! After all the celebrations are done, though, and what’s left is the expectation of doing something great, does that really call for a hooray, or is a groan more fitting for the occasion?
If this thought of starting the year over with new tasks and expectations strikes fear into the very core of your being or brings a wave of guilt because you never reached the goal you deemed your New Year’s Resolution last year, then you’re not alone. Long-term goals are much harder than people think, and many people become intimidated by the time instead of encouraged by it.
The concept of beginnings can prove to be a double-edged sword for some. On one hand, it represents a clean slate, room for you to grow, and time for you to mess up sometimes while still reaching success in whatever adventure you’re embarking on. On the other, however, beginnings also mean uncertainty, responsibility, and pressure to stay the course while unanticipated obstacles rise and things begin to get very difficult. With every opportunity for success that comes about, an equal opportunity for failure lurks nearby, afterall.
It’s all very encouraging, isn’t it?
Perhaps the age-old proverb comes to mind, saying that the opposite of success isn’t failure, but an opportunity to learn, and it might take some of the sting off coming up short, but nobody likes having to admit that they couldn’t quite reach what they said they would. Even if it does turn out to be a learning experience, everyone wants to feel accomplished, and the easiest way to do that is to conquer something big – something worthy of bragging about.
What better time to set a lofty goal than when everyone is, societal motivation has peaked, and the novelty of the idea hasn’t worn off? Hello, New Year’s Resolutions. The past has been left, and we all swear we’re going to get it done this time.
Conviction is so strong at the beginning of the year – why does it never seem to stick?
If you’ve had trouble in the past reaching a New Year’s Resolution or avoided making one altogether, it could be because you aren’t creating C.A.R.E.:
Challenging, Achievable, Realistic Expectations.
Challenging
First off, setting a lofty goal isn’t always a bad thing! There is, however, a difference between a challenge and an improbability – and ‘improbability’ is used deliberately because, in the ‘big picture,’ nothing within reason should be considered impossible.
Challenges blossom into wonderful successes when you have the proper means to achieve the goal, a support and accountability system, and a plan to enact that will bring you to the final destination. But a key component to finding the balance between a challenge and an improbability is recognizing what you can manage without overwhelming or overworking yourself to a detrimental degree.
Achievable
This is the ‘Part 2’ continuation of ‘challenging’ and what distinguishes a challenge from an improbability. A challenge is readily achievable with a reasonable amount of work; an improbability would either take an unreasonable or an unsustainable amount of time, work, or sacrifice to realize. Especially if you’ve had trouble keeping with goals and resolutions in the past, extremes are very rarely a helpful tool in your journey.
Draw on your past experiences but try not to compare them, and try to visualize steps instead of leaps. Achievability changes with your situation! Take into account your environmental, physical, mental, emotional, relational, and financial factors and consider them when making your resolution so that you have a holistic view of the goal set before you instead of a narrow one fueled by the promise of the end reward without regard for the journey there.
Realistic Expectations
A final attribute of resolution success is maintaining realistic expectations. According to Northeastern University in Boston, “81 percent of people fail to complete their goal, which may be due to habits, fleeting motivation, negative thoughts and/or procrastination.” Habits might be hard to break, but they’re even more difficult to make. Cut yourself some slack when trying to form new ones and expect times of difficulty, times of success, times of regression, and change throughout the process.
Long-term goals are seldom linear, and that’s a crucial thing to keep in mind going into a New Year’s resolution. By having realistic expectations instead of anticipating perfection from the start, motivation and optimism at every minute of every day, or smooth sailing throughout the course, you can celebrate the little wins and apply a kinder, more understanding mindset to your journey.
It’s important to remember that every word in the C.A.R.E acronym is an incredibly subjective one, and the first perceptual shifts that can make all the difference when setting a goal is eliminating all comparisons and all language relating to them. There is no ‘I could do this x amount of years ago, so I should be able to do it now,’ or ‘x person did this last year, therefore I need to be able to.’ Expecting to live up to your own comparisons can be mentally and emotionally draining and end up defeating you in the process – just be the best that you can be at the present moment in time!
Other Tips to Help You Stick with Your New Year’s Resolution
Besides C.A.R.E., there are plenty of other pieces of advice you can utilize for a successful New Year’s Resolution this trip around the sun. Just remember that with enough planning and a little help, you are capable when it comes to achieving goals – don’t tell yourself differently!
1. Make It Bite-Sized
It’s okay to start small, and it’s just as okay to keep it small. No one said your New Year’s resolution had to be life-changing and difficult – set a goal of any size! If you do want something with more meat, portion out the long-term goal into more manageable benchmarks and celebrate each step you reach, because it’s all part of the journey!
2. Make It Specific
When creating your resolution and plan to achieve it, pack in as much tangible, achievable detail as you can. Instead of “I’m going to organize the house,” detail that further and break it down into several smaller, more specific goals that align with the C.A.R.E. acronym:
- “I’m going to have the kitchen done by February, my closet done by March, etc. etc. etc.”
- “I’m going to donate one box to a local charity per month.”
- “I’m going to keep only one box of nostalgic trinkets.”
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Finding a trusted friend or family member to be your accountability partner can be beneficial both to your resolution and your relationship – it’s an excuse to keep up and something to talk about! But if you don’t think you have anyone in your life like that, feel ‘stuck’ and don’t know how to become ‘unstuck,’ or want more in-depth help figuring out why it’s so difficult for you to meet any of your goals, therapist Dawn Pendleton can help!
With specialties in performance enhancement, PEAT can be a helpful tool for those who feel stagnant and unable to achieve their full potential. Counseling is a wonderful way to work through issues that aren’t due to a lack of motivation or poor time management skills, as some people are led to believe when they find themselves short of their goals every time. And with plenty of creative scheduling options and a wide variety of approaches to try, Dawn Pendleton at Pendleton Counseling Collaborative is here to help you be the best that you can be!
If you or someone you love is looking for a reliable, trustworthy counselor with specialties in the LGBTQIA+ community, sports and performance enhancement, and those affected by trauma, Dawn Pendleton of Pendleton Counseling Collaborative, EMDR-certified and Licensed Marriage and Family therapist, is currently accepting new clients. With over 20 years of experience working in both the public and private sectors of the mental health field, Dawn is licensed to provide in-person and telehealth services in both Kentucky and Indiana. Feel free to fill out an inquiry form with any additional questions, call (502) 377-1690, or visit my website to book an appointment.